Somewhere in the past

It was an average day. The same old me, the same old stress, the same old expectations, to be someone  I was not. I went about the day, forcing myself at every step to be someone I was not, do something I necessarily didn't feel like doing. And failing miserably at doing the same.

Then unexpectedly something happened and I was thrown overboard, in a sea of memories, my past, my glorious past. The time when the days met the night and every moment was a fresh breath of life.

There were no expectations compelling me to do or not to do something. It was just me, the good old me. The me who knew no limits, no boundaries, no right ways of doing things, no wrong ways of having fun. Just pure bliss. Being surrounded by people who loved what I loved and hence we loved each other. No spaces to be filled with fake laughter, but the silence was only in which we became aware of each and every strand of our nerves. People who lived their life and stayed up all night because sleeping would just deprive us of some greater melodies, melodies of the unwritten future, that remain to be inked.

When I look back at those days, I am stoked, I am in shock. I never knew how great a life I led till I now confront my present everyday. It stalls me completely, and makes me question every single thing that I am doing. What I am moving towards. Is it necessarily a better plane or am I just trying to hide the pain by reassuring the gullible heart of something sweet that lies ahead? We shall see soon enough.

There is a greenbelt adjacent to my house. There is a wall at the entrance. That wall is not great, it is not ancient and it is definitely not a modern wonder of Le Corbusier. But it is one of the most beautiful walls. Once upon a time, I think after a certain time at night, I can't remember exactly when but that wall and everything around it transformed. The cold breeze blew with strums of rhythm and one of the most beautiful sounds that nature could have created filled the air. Everything was silent and still, yet it was like the moonlight sonata played in a loop.

Whenever I am home, I still see that wall and I go and look at it randomly in the middle of the night from my balcony. It is there. It won't go anywhere. But the seasons have changed. But I think I can change them back maybe. Maybe the time has come. Who knows? I don't think life gives out a schedule. This is when you will be tested for what you have learnt. I don't think this is how it works. I am sure it is more like the shock and test method.